About the life: An interview with a sexpat

Author’s note: I met ‘S’ from the USA at a bar in Bangkok not too long ago. As the conversation turned to his Thai girlfriends, I wanted to hear his thoughts in more detail via e-mail. For obvious reasons I’ll keep him anonymous here except to say he’s 65, from the USA, and currently involved with multiple Thai women. His responses have been slightly edited to remove typos and to redact personal information.

Chris in Thailand: When you moved to Thailand, what was your plan? Enjoy retirement, work part-time, travel, drink the nights away?

S: Meeting women in Asia is a breath of fresh air as compared to the U.S, which is where I’m from, [the New England] area.  Was never a problem till into my late 40’s, then my universe of candidates began to dry up, and having a liking for the younger-than-me lass became a problem.  Coming to Thailand has been the same as backing up my love-life by 25 yrs.  I came here at 54 y/o. It is generally just not a struggle to meet young, attractive and occasionally, well educated and smart ladies.  Generally though, ladies are looking to better their lot in life so very well-off Thai’s are not interested in much older foreign guys…Why should they be, they have the pick of the best, well off Thai guys.

CIT: How did you meet women? Was there a type you looked for, or a characteristic you really liked?

S: First off, not knowing the territory or the language I chose a Dating Agency, a pay for long-term relationship oriented outfit that provides a lot of value added services.  The ladies are thoroughly screened and reference checked so as to weed out ex-bar girls or prostitutes, check their employment record and meet and interview them in person.  Usually they were on-the-mark.  The girls have to pay to join as well so this weeds out the non-serious.  That is a big thing for the lady to do here, pay for something…so they are serious about the process.  It’s very easy to meet women in general anywhere, however not knowing the language how could I know what I was getting myself in for.  Met really great ladies here and one of them became the mother of my son…

The internet is a cool place to meet the ladies, however be ready for some deception…Old photos of the ladies from many years ago (this doesn’t happen if your searching for 20-30 year olds.  Perhaps no worse than dating sites in the East.  I liked [the dating agency] because there is little room for lies of any kind with this pre-screening method, however you pay for this service. If I remember correctly fees were around $1500 U.S.  for 30 days membership.  This includes all the ladies you can meet. I met over 200. Sometimes 6-7 at a time at their office.  One day I met 20 ladies. Wow, I felt like I was on Bachelor Program on T.V..  There are many free or for pay dating sites in Thailand/Bangkok. They are fine but can be frustrating as one has little control.  Then there’s the Street/Go-Go Bars/Department Stores or just about any place you see what appear to be nice ladies.  I know several men who married prostitutes (now ex) and are HAPPILY MARRIED.  Reality is not what it may appear to be in many ways.  Dive in I say.

CIT: What do you offer your girlfriend(s) (financial stability, showing them a good time), and what do you expect from them (sex, tour guide, etc.)? In other words, what sort of arrangement have you worked out?

S: I offer my girlfriend (s) a lot.  Depending on their needs may be a monthly stipend or in one case buying them and their family a new home.  The falang pays for everything.  One way or another the man PAYS. There is no such thing in this  or any other asian country as “dutch treat”.  You will offend and be branded a CHEAP CHARLIE in a hurry if you suggest this route of payment..  This goes for anyone that she decides to invite along, so it may be a challenge for the thrifty minded…This is not America. Traditional values abound.

CIT: Have your relationships worked out for the longer-term, or are they best pursued as short-term fun?

S:  Although at 65 y/o I desire a long term relationship what seems to work better for me (so far) are shorter term. That’s the way I’m wired and it’s not everyones cup of tea. I have numerous friends here that are married and have kids with Thai ladies and generally could not be happier.

Men come to Thailand for many reasons.  Most ALL older men come for the ladies.  I have met self-professed happily married men from the States. … This scenario took place when I first arrived: [D.], a forty something y/o [in the transportation industry] I met in the hotel gym we were staying at.  At the time I had just come here to do the [dating agency].  He was married to a beautiful American lady and mentioned that wasn’t in his blood or make-up to fool around on his beloved wife.  Religious guy as well.  He spoke with such conviction and integrity I never for one minute doubted his word.  A week later I met him in the same gym and he starts to tell me about this really sweet massage girl that works at the hotel.  I know who he was talking about as I had seen her coming and going to the gym.  Long Story Short, he gets a massage, she offers a happy ending (hand-job).  Only that.  He felt that was ok as it did not involve any more than an innocent release.  Next week he whispers to me that he had another massage with the same lady and this time she offered intercourse.  He bought it.  Said she blew his mind.  Well, this man over the next six-months, which was how long his training was for, started getting social and going out with his other buddies.  We all hung around a lot. He met a really sweet young (23) Thai waitress and, well, that was the beginning of the end for his marriage.  He eventually married this lady and they are now living on the west coast, U.S.

Another friend of mine that came to Thailand on vacation to tour Asia for 3 months.  [B.] (61 at the time) came here about 4 years ago just after retiring.  Visited me in Bangkok for a week or so and in that time met a lady at a GoGo bar downtown Bangkok.  Within two weeks she was living with him, he went “head over heels” for her and stayed together for 1 1/2 years.  He is now in love with a really fine (good girl, not from a bar) Thai lady that he met on-line dating and have been together over two years.  She has never been with a foreign man prior to meeting him. He gives her a lot and he says he has never been happier with what she gives hime in return.  He was married to the same woman in the U.S for 32 yrs. Well, they divorced 10 yrs ago so he was single when he came here.  Point is he NEVER WENT BACK TO AMERICA, although had planned to be away for only 3 months.  Of course he’s visited back home since then but he is now a resident of Bangkok… Go figure, must be something in that Thai food!

CIT: In an average week, how much do you spend on or for your Thai girlfriend?

S: Average weekly spent on ladies Hmm! ?@##$  $350…average.   I go out a lot and am dating several women.

CIT: Have you ever been ripped off, taken advantage of, or cheated on by your Thai girlfriend?

S: Yes I have been ripped off, however, I take full responsibility for being the fool.  These ladies generally, are poor, come from need, a lot of it.  Mostly due to the culture of expectations about taking care of the parents and extended family so it can get pretty hairy money wise. I have learned over the years to manage with an iron fist, what I give to them. Nicely and lovingly, but one must be VERY CAREFUL until you learn about the Asian Culture.  A naive man can be COMPLETELY FINANCIALLY WIPED OUT.  Be CAREFUL!

CIT: Do you feel pressured to pay? Does she pay for anything?

Older men dating younger Thai ladies… Well, They expect that they will be taken care of, financially for them and their family.  I have never seen another scenario.  However, I must say from wonderful experiences here, Thai ladies are some of the most gracious, lovely, sexy, accommodating, loving and devoted ladies I have met.  Like anyone these ladies want to be treated with respect which is in a large part what foreign men offer as that Asian men do not…They love it, they bathe in it…It;’s a great country, strongly family oriented, gentle culture, politeness and graciousness and fun-loving simple people.  Hard to find these things in one place…Cheaper then the U.S as well by a long shot…

CIT: Anything else to add?

S: All I can say is to start your journey in your heart. If you think something is missing in your love-life in the U.S. and have the time, means and sense of adventure that get off your butt TRY ASIA.  The clock is TICKING!

Chris in Thailand neither condones or judges the lifestyle, and believes what happens between two consenting adults is typically not someone else’s business.

On a separate note, I’m looking to conduct interviews like this one with people like you, good reader. Interesting characters need apply

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4 Comments

  1. Great interview, Chris!

  2. Enjoyed the article. Good job.

  3. Can you really call it “consenting” considering the situation these women are in? Is it consent with a gun to your head too? Where do you draw the line?

    • @Eric, opinions on what’s consenting will run the gamut.